dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
