And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
last night I used snow as a chaser
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
