So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
