You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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