Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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