He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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