Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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