Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Tell her she can't have a vagina
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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