So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
