there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
