it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
