am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i was born a porn star she said
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize