you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
