he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
