Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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