im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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