I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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