**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
