New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
