I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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