Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize