I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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