the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
its liver damage thursday
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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