hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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