I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize