She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
