"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
