the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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