I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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