saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so let's talk penis.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The uberlube is also flammable
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
