yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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