Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
