Porn is love you can see.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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