I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
