you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize