Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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