FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
