So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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