you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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