this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My pussy is not your playground.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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