i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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