There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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