kristin has been a bad kristin
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
