You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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