the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
