oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
