I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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