Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
