We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
