Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
