Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
