Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
