Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
