Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't deserve a penis
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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