Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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