Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
