I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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