He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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