Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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