her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
